Our very own version of added-value — new definitions available exclusively here.

keep me posted 1. a request from an individual to update them on the status of an issue or project 2. code for: “I am going to forget about this unless you bring it up again, so please do”; “I don’t trust you to take care of this on your own, so make sure you tell me everything you’re doing”; “I don’t want to think about this. Let me know if something gets majorly screwed up.”

stapler 1. a mechanical device used to attach two pieces of paper with a small metal wire known as a staple 2. an office supply that you will give little thought to until you don’t have one/can’t find yours, at which point you will go insane and realize its place as a true modern miracle on par with the automobile 3.frequent object of coworker theft (you might want to label yours); achieved well-deserved mythic status in the movie Office Space

meta-priority 1.the most important item in a set of extremely, allegedly equally important items 2. the inevitable result when all 8 of the projects you are working on are “hot,” urgent and needed ASAP. please note: being able to determine the meta-priority is key to preventing total meltdowns at the office

not a problem 1. the denial of the existence of an unfortunate situation 2. ok, the first question that needs to be asked is, “who ever said anything was a ‘problem’?” Why does the word “problem” even have to enter into the discussion? We’re just asking if we can add accidental death insurance to the rental car agreement, or slap some jewel-toned Post-its® on to the office supply order. Possible, slight, fleeting inconvenience? Maybe. (Maybe. But not really a problem, right?) 3. why can’t people just say “yeah, we can do that” “sure thing” or even, “No problem,” which is so much more encouraging, and feel-good. 4. dude, you’re harshing our buzz/messing up our chi with all this negativity. Oprah would not approve.